Thor was furious when he woke up
And found his mighty hammer gone;
He shook his beard, his hair stood on end,
As he searched all around.

These were the first words he spoke:
"Listen, Loki, hear me out,
No one on earth or up in the sky
Knows this: our hammer’s been stolen."

They went to Freyja’s fine house,
And these were the first words he spoke:
"Freyja, will you lend me your feather-dress
So I can go look for my hammer?"

Freyja said:
"I’d give it to you if it were silver,
I’d hand it over even if it were gold."
Then Loki flew off, the feather-dress humming,
Leaving the gods’ home behind,
Until he reached the giants’ land.

Thrym sat on a hill, the giants’ boss,
Tying gold leashes on his dogs,
Brushing the manes of his horses.

Thrym said:
"How are the gods? How are the elves?
Why’d you come alone to giant country?"
Loki said:
"The gods are in trouble, the elves are too!
Did you hide Thor’s hammer?"

Thrym said:
"Yeah, I hid Thor’s hammer,
Eight miles deep in the ground;
No one’s getting it back
Unless I get Freyja as my wife."

Then Loki flew off, the feather-dress humming,
Leaving the giants’ home behind,
Until he reached the gods’ realm.
He met Thor in the courtyard,
And these were the first words he spoke:

"Got any news, or just problems?
Spill it now while you’re still standing;
Sit too long and you forget,
Lie down and you start making stuff up."

Loki said:
"I’ve got trouble and news:
Thrym, the giant king, has your hammer,
And no one’s getting it back
Unless he gets Freyja as his wife."

They went to find fair Freyja,
And these were the first words he spoke:
"Freyja, put on a bridal veil,
We’ve got to head to the giants’ place."

Freyja got mad, she snorted hard,
The gods’ huge hall shook,
Her awesome necklace snapped apart:
"I’d look like a total slut
If I went with you to the giants’ place."

The gods got together,
The goddesses too, holding a meeting,
The famous ones hatched a plan
To get Thor’s hammer back.

Heimdall spoke up, the palest god,
He knew the future like the Wanes:
"Let’s put a bridal veil on Thor,
Have him wear that big necklace;

"Let keys jingle around him,
A dress hanging down to his knees;
Stick some gems across his chest,
And a cute cap on his head."

Mighty Thor shot back:
"The gods would call me a wimp
If I let you put a veil on me."

Loki said:
"Shut up, Thor, don’t talk like that;
The giants will take over Asgard
If you don’t get your hammer back."

So they put the bridal veil on Thor,
And that big necklace too.

Keys jingled around him,
A dress hung down to his knees;
Gems sparkled across his chest,
And a cute cap sat on his head.

Loki said:
"I’ll go with you as your maid;
We’ll head to the giants’ place together."

The goats were brought back to the hall,
Pulling hard, ready to run;
Mountains cracked, the earth caught fire,
As Thor headed to giant land.

Thrym, the giants’ leader, shouted:
"Get up, giants, set the benches;
They’re bringing Freyja to be my bride,
Njorth’s daughter from Noatun.

"Gold-horned cows are in my stables,
Black oxen, a giant’s dream;
I’ve got tons of gems and jewels,
All I was missing was Freyja."

Evening came quick,
Beer was hauled out for the giants;
Thor ate an ox and eight salmon,
All the snacks meant for the ladies,
And chugged three barrels of mead.

Thrym, the giants’ leader, said:
"Who’s seen a bride eat like that?
Never saw one bite so big,
Or a girl drink more mead!"

The smart maid sitting nearby
Had an answer for the giant:
"Freyja hasn’t eaten for eight nights,
She was so pumped to get to giant land."

Thrym peeked under the veil, wanting a kiss,
Then jumped back across the hall:
"Why are Freyja’s eyes so scary?
They’re burning like fire!"

The smart maid sitting nearby
Had an answer for the giant:
"Freyja hasn’t slept for eight nights,
She was so pumped to get to giant land."

The giant’s unlucky sister showed up,
Not shy about asking for gifts:
"Hand over those red gold rings
If you want my love and a warm welcome."

Thrym, the giants’ leader, shouted:
"Bring the hammer to bless the bride;
Set Mjollnir on her knees,
Let Vor bind us together."

Thor’s heart laughed in his chest
When he saw his hammer again;
He smashed Thrym, the giant king, first,
Then took out all the giants.

He killed the giant’s old sister too,
The one who’d asked for gifts;
She got a hit instead of cash,
And a hammer blow instead of rings.

And that’s how Thor got his hammer back.